And the results are in!

Anytown, USA. – With just under 10-percent of registered voters in Barton County turning out to the polls on Tuesday to decide various municipal and school board elections, the results were certainly surprising!

Bardo Gurney won the election for Ward 3 Alderman with 63-percent of the vote over Reverend Mike Davis! Bardo, an avowed atheist, tells USAweekly.com that one of his main goals in office will be to completely eliminate any mention of God in the County's school system…

Meanwhile in Ward 1, incumbent Mike Bothers, a well know socialist, won his bid for re-election with nearly 58-percent of the vote over challenger and local church Deacon, Barbara Wells.Well, that was surprising...

Dibby Tibby, a member of the Golden Dawn Nazi Party who ran unopposed for the Ward 2 Alderman seat, promised sweeping changes after flourishing a brisk salute to the press....

Seriously, a 10% turnout? I guess that voting is a bit tiring..... but remember, if you don't vote, then don't complain! Oh, and if you do vote, please don't do it as a turnip head - get informed as to the issues and help keep America strong!